don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
