I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
