No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
