woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
