I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
