We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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