Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
