You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
