Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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