Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We have started to decorate penises.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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