I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
