loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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