they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
