i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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