We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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