Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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