No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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