No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need moral support for this bender
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
