The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
