He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
