omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
