drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
