Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
