Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
