At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
