she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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