I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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