the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
