so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
