I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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