i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
