I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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