If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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