My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
