hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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