Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
