thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize