I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
