I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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