So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
