Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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