just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
