its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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