I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
