I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
