Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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