I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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