Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
