if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
