What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
