I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
