So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
