Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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