You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
